His and Hers

His and Hers


His Perspective...

...I'm afraid of her.

She comes around when I least expect it, slipping through the darkness like a spy, utterly soundless. Once she makes her way into the light, you can see her long red tresses flowing behind her, and fear wells up in my throat at that first glimpse of her. She subtly turns around, her watchful, doll-like eyes scanning the room. She's searching for me. I feel stalked. This isn't the first time, and I know it won't be the last.

What the hell does she want from me? I can't give her the love she desperately craves, I'm not capable of it. I never have been. My tainted heart shriveled up and died long ago. I don't even remember what it feels like to love. I tried so hard to forget. I can't talk to her...it would only lead her on, give her false hope for a relationship that will never be. Anyway, she's always so quiet. In person, she doesn't bother me much, doesn't say much, and when she does, I never have a good answer for her. She seems to erase every ounce of my wit, my sanity. She's silent most of the time, and still, her gaze is so powerful that I feel smothered by her. Her eyes swallow me whole. Her presence alone makes my entire body ache in the most terrible way. She may look like a rose, but she's nothing but a thorn in my side. I wish she'd just disappear. I don't need this, I've never needed this.

She's too nice to me, for no reason at all. I've never once been "nice" to her. I gave her a hug that one Christmas, and then I walked away, fully regretting it. She's so young, she has so much to learn. How could she ever consider that'd I'd actually give her a chance? There's no way. It's not that she's not beautiful in her own way...statuesque and captivating, pale-skinned, with a sweet, innocent disposition. She deserves much better than what I could give her...I can't give her anything, not even the time of day. I'm not that kind of person. I admit it, I thrive on hate. I loathe just about everything and everyone, and then this girl comes along, and she stands out from every other juvenile teenage girl that's ever had a crush on me, and a small part of me, a very miniscule fragment, sometimes believes that she might really love me...I don't believe in love. I don't believe in friendship. I only want my solitude, some peace.

Pretty girl, leave me be.



Her Perspective...

Oh, I really shouldn't have come here. I should just turn around and walk out, he'll never know I was ever here. I promised myself that I'd give him space, that'd I'd leave him alone. I resent myself for being so obvious, for not having the self-control I thought I was capable of. Damn it. I don't know why I continue to do this to myself, this is a hopeless case. A one-sided attraction, what a joke. Why am I trying? Oh, shit...there he is, his jet black hair casting shadows on my soul and his ghostly skin illuminating in the small glares of light. Act natural. Act like you don't notice, even though your heart is pounding faster than the flight of a dozen hummingbirds.

He must think I'm so immature, coming around like this, but I'm not like those other girls. I'm not superficial, this isn't about looks...even though his beautiful blue eyes are deadly, their poison coursing through my veins with every tiny glance he allows himself to give me. He assumes I don't know him, but I know more than I should, and I'm in love with every single detail about him, even his flaws. I wonder how much strength it takes for him to walk right past me fifty times in one night, as if I didn't exist, even though I know he knows I'm there. What did I ever do that was so wrong? I tried to be nice, while being mysterious, and I was hoping to keep my feelings a secret...I didn't mean for it to turn out so lousy, so ugly, so misunderstood. He thinks I'm a stalker, some silly little fangirl, and it's not like that. I don't follow him around like a lost puppy. All I did was attempt to let him know that someone truly cares about him, with no strings attatched...and he didn't see it the way I'd hoped.

No matter how much he shuns me, I still can't help but think that there's a part of himself that he keeps hidden from the world--a part that's kind, that wants to be loved, but fears the consequences. He has such a hard exterior, but I can read people, and I see past his mask. This entire time, I was waiting for a breaking point--a breaking point where I might find that last piece of evidence and solve his jigsaw puzzle of a heart, a breaking point where he might realize that I HAVE figured him out, that I'm not like all the rest, that I actually care, that I want nothing from him but acknowledgement and understanding...but it'll never happen. He's consumed by his own cruel, black world that he's built for himself and he's too stubborn to let any light in.

I'm the light, the sunshine, and he is the vampire...

This will never work.



(Originally posted on December 9, 2008, @ darkalchemystudios.deviantart.com)

© Caitlin Blair Cogar

If Only

If Only

If you gazed into my eyes,
could you stare at them forever?
Getting lost in one another,
hazel burning into amber...
this is what we were meant for.

If only...

If we ever touched, do you think it'd feel like fire?
Skin tingling beneath every move of our hands,
our blushing cheeks hidden by the shadows,
the darkness of the room bringing us closer.
We are magnets.

If only...

If we ever kissed,
would our lips melt together?
Fused together from the heat of passion.
Your hands in my hair, we're breathless
from tasting true nirvana.
The heat, so strong...but not as intense
as the pounding of our young hearts.

If only...

If we were one,
would we drift away to paradise,
something we've always wished for (sliently)?
Or drift apart, like the distance between us?

Dreams of you flutter in and out of sight,
as I toss and turn all through the night.
Being with you would make everything right,
in a life filled with so much wrong...
and there's no way to end this song,
other than the fact, that I don't belong,
on this Earth without your hand in mine.

If only, my dear...if only.



(Originally posted on July 10, 2008, @ darkalchemystudios.deviantart.com)

© Caitlin Blair Cogar

I'm Sorry

I'm Sorry

I'm sorry, so sorry,
that I ever spotted you in the room.
My fifteen-year-old heart couldn't handle the electric shock
of seeing a beauty too bright to behold.
You were glowing with the life I longed to be a part of,
your aura running amok and mixing with mine.
Filled with mystery, it was love at first sight,
overflowing with emotions, that I couldn't fight.

I'm sorry, so sorry,
that I ever took you by surprise,
that I ever frightened you, annoyed you,
that I ever tried to make you happy, anonymously.
I'd take it all back, if you'd let me.
I'd take it all back, with every fiber of my being.
I'd take it all back, in the skip of a heartbeat...
the way mine skips swiftly at the sight of you.

I'm sorry, so sorry,
that I remember every word you've ever said,
every key you've ever played,
all the times I've ever made you laugh (just twice),
all the times we've ever embraced (you silently hated them all),
but how could I ever forget these little things,
that have made you all the more special to me?

I'm sorry, so sorry,
that you're etched in my memory...
a work of art I can't erase,
a broken record I can't escape.
Your expressions, your mannerisms,
spliced together like an old home movie,
playing over and over again in my dreams.
Your eyes...they haunt me like ghosts.
Oh, if I can't have them for my own to stare into,
like my own personal ocean,
I beg you to take them away.

I'm sorry, so sorry,
that we have so much in common,
that I'm everywhere you are,
that it's all a coincidence,
that I can't become invisible,
that I even exist at all.

I'm sorry, so sorry,
that I'm so insignificant,
that I'd never be good enough,
that I could never fit into your world...
the dark space you've created,
with a clique so tight,
that even my glances at your precious face
are somehow forbidden.
Lost in a lonely purgatory,
I'm suffering from an inevitable age gap,
and you've always been taboo.
Curiousity has killed this cat,
and my nine lives are up.

I'm sorry, so sorry,
when I make you nervous,
when I make you sweat.
You felt hot beneath my hands
that last time we were forced to touch...
and I knew it was because of me.
It hurt me to realize that being close to me,
was a painful task for you.
You'd make a terrible Romeo.

I'm sorry, so sorry,
that I yearn for you this way,
that I care for you this way,
that my heart cries for you this way,
that I'm the only one that would die for you,
if in return, you'd receive eternal happiness.

I'm sorry...so very sorry.



(Originally posted on June 25, 2008, @ darkalchemystudios.deviantart.com)

© Caitlin Blair Cogar

Unwelcome Devotion

Unwelcome Devotion

Seeing you...
leaning against the wall, waiting...
What were you waiting for?
Excitement itching beneath my skin
,sadness aching in my bones,
wondering whether or not I should walk through that door.

You have me questioning myself over and over.

We've crossed paths one too many times,
most being unintentional.
Are you thinking it's just an unlucky coincidence,
while I'm thinking it's a lovely stroke of fate?

I decide to come in, breathless,
my face hot from shame.
But I just can't help myself,
your blue eyes are to blame.

You greeted me, and that's all.
That's all I needed.
That's all I needed to make me sick,
stomach churning,
learning that you're the only one,
that will ever make me feel this way.

Black-clad, pale and hiding,
you know how I feel.
You wish I would go away,
but why...why should I run?

I've been as strong as steel,
I'VE been the one waiting,
waiting to age, waiting to mature,
and to see you so nonchalant,
leaning, waiting for me to come in,
like so many times before,
teasing me,
makes me want to die.

I knew the rules before, but I'm older now.
Does it matter? Does it even make a difference?

You can never imagine the pain,
the torment I've carried with me inside.
A feeling resembling a love so deep,
a heavy weight of guilt I could never confide.

How can I love someone who loathes me,
who's hoping I will disappear?
You intimidate me so, to the point where I shrink,
but at the end of the day, it's me that you fear.

Briefly peeking from behind blue-rims,
you avoid my gaze like a child in trouble.
I silently adored you even with dirt under your nails,
plain-faced and working,
something I should have never even noticed.

What am I to do, with a man like you?
You're stubborn to all emotion.
But your dark heart can never keep me away,
such an unwelcome devotion.


(Originally posted on June 23, 2008, @ darkalchemystudios.deviantart.com)

© Caitlin Blair Cogar

Screwed

Screwed

the harsh wind whipped at my face,
as the smell of the city filled my senses,
and lights whirred past like shooting stars...
but the speed of air and light were not enough,
to drown out the memory of you pulsing through me.

if i could go back in time,
could i change your mind?
if you took a moment to listen,
(listen to me, for once),
if i took your hand in mine,
and told you how much i've lived,
and loved, and grieved for you,
how i would do anything for you,
would it even matter?
would it have ever mattered?

maybe it would have, if i were blonde.
maybe it would have, if i were tan.
maybe it would have, if i were thin.
maybe it would have, if i were something you desired
,other than a dark beauty of which you can't relate,
and i'd hate to say this, but,
you were a coward...
and you feared love.

i feel sorry for your soul,
for it will never survive your judgments.



(Originally posted on June 6, 2008, @ darkalchemystudios.deviantart.com)

© Caitlin Blair Cogar

Ride

Ride

Give me that moment back,
my face buried in your chest.
Strong scented and pounding heart,
you were a beautiful mess.
I longed for our lips to brush,
tight squeeze and soft caress.
I don't know you yet,
but hold me again.


(Originally posted on June 1, 2008, @ darkalchemystudios.deviantart.com)

© Caitlin Blair Cogar

Cephalalgia

Cephalalgia

A violent tingling begins,
pulsing and crashing through my veins.
An insane amount of affliction,
that I find quite hard to explain.

Behind the eye, down the bridge,
and descending straight into my teeth.
Shattering all train of thought,
a tremendous pounding dwells beneath.

Shutting up my senses,
simply too sick to speak.
A speechless tongue is rewarding,
when the body's grown so weak.

My skull is screaming silently,
as I wait for the next release.
Desperately scratching at my scalp,
this pain will never cease.

Intensity rises, pressure builds,
got no more time to kill.
Quick, I'm losing equilibrium,
the room refuses to stand still.

Two tiny white fellows,
have clearly caused cloudy perceptions.
They promised to take me to heaven, you see...
and what a dismal deception.

At the height of the high,
dreams seem so far away.
Numb limbs whisper to me,
as I feel my mind sway.

The world's biggest nuisance,
of unkindly mass proportions,
drowns me deep in drowsy dizziness,
while crying out many distortions.

The throbbing finally decides to subside,
and turns into slow tidal waves.
An ocean of hell festering in my brain,
doesn't give me the break my head craves.

So, please turn off the lights,
and eliminate all sound,
because never have I felt before,
a nightmare this profound.

It lives and dies in the temple,
every day and every night.
It's resurrection is old news to me,
but what's always fresh is the fright.

Bringing me down, wringing me out,
ol' grey matter has no say.
But the force just keeps on truckin',
and there it will always stay.

Neurologically raped with an invisible razor,
day in and day out.
Like a leech, it's sucked me dry of energy,
and brought forth a painful drought.

Stabbing me, shoving me,
hating me, loving me,
choking me, provoking me,
breaking me, shaking me,
waking me, taking me...

A violent tingling begins,
pulsing and crashing through my veins.
What is this, you ask?
...just a simple migraine.



(Originally posted on April 15, 2008, @ darkalchemystudios.deviantart.com)

© Caitlin Blair Cogar

The Funeral

The Funeral

deep in the depths of hopelessness,
there's a tiny light that lives...
but somebody snuffed it,
and scared light away.
to let the blood-veins flow,
oh god, the joy it would bring,
if my soul could sing again.
one more breath of fresh air,
and then none,
abandoned by all those i loved...
shoved in a casket of eternal dark.
pain hits the mark, dead on...
bulls-eye.
can't cry, when all you feel is numb.
swallow me whole, with big gulps,
so quick to forget it all.
escape to a sanctuary that will never exist,
and make up stories to erase the reality
that will always be.
grow up. shut up. put up. wake up.
or give up.
you'll never be good enough for their world,
so lay down and wallow..
.lay down in that wee hour,
and shower yourself with false hope again.
didn't you know you weren't meant for this place?
your face...just another blank slate,
a slate that longs to age,
longs to disintegrate, and oh, how it will!
you can't stop time, miss invincible.
give yourself four more years,
you won't last long after.
bring on the armageddon,
'cause you're a sick fool, baby.
hitchike a ride to hell, because there is no heaven.
flee this purgatory of disgrace,
fuck the human race,
run away and leave this place
.stop the war, end the fight,
because nothing that's ever right,
will suffice.
you can't ever win, if you don't know how to play the game.
a universe of cheaters, waiting to chew your brains.
go to bed, you coward, and rest your weeping head.
throw away all those things that they said...
because you know your heart will flip-flop in the night,
shaking you with rage, because you were right...all along.
such a sad conspiracy...you poor, broken angel.
remind me again, who stole your wings?
too many names...but i remember,
they each took a feather until you had none.
darling, you can no longer fly.
please tell me why this is allowed to happen!
but what's done is done, now be gone with you.
you're not welcome here. you never were.
that's it, the end. au revoir, sweetheart.
i'll be waiting for you on the other side of darkness.
sweet, bittersweet darkness.
and with a heavy sigh, i'm signing out...
goodbye.



(Originally posted on March 25, 2008, @ darkalchemystudios.deviantart.com)

© Caitlin Blair Cogar

My Demise

My Demise

Such a crippled creation,
with a shriveled, half-heartbeat.
Can't eat, can't sleep...
longing for a solution,
a reason behind the confusion.

One moment please,
while I adjust my collapsing chest.

The walls are closing in,
and you're the only one who can
save me.
I'd rather drown deep,
and let my lungs fill up with
the sea...
than to be without your embrace any longer.
That rush you give me is like a drug,
it makes me stronger...
it sends me reeling,
and there's nothing quite like that feeling
of being head-over-heels in love.

But I've been having withdrawls,
for much too long now,
and I sincerely promise,
I'll get you back...somehow.

An epiphany reached in snow,
I can see your face in my icy breath.
You're everywhere I go...
this heartache is more painful than death.

Surrender to me,
set your heart free,
there's nothing at all to fear.
Don't leave me alone
with these memories, and
my broken soul, crystallized in a tear.



(Originally posted on January 13, 2008, @ darkalchemystudios.deviantart.com)

© Caitlin Blair Cogar

Last Farewell

Last Farewell

You've let your pride swallow you whole.
Is it that hard to admit you were wrong?
I should've known that loose lips sink ships,
and now I'm singing the same old swan song.

Would it bother you if I stopped caring?

As much as I claim that I'm okay,
I do still care as much as I did that day
that you said I took your breath away...
I wish everything were still that way.

Over 17,520 hours, and I can still feel the decay.

I hold it all in sometimes,
so much, that I almost explode.
I shudder to think of things that were.
Please! No more trips down memory road.

I wish to go back to the days where I was floating.

If I could burn the past for us
and scratch away the pain,
then maybe we could start anew...
or, are my thoughts insane?

A potential wonderful, corroded by notorious lies.
An eternal sadness, glazed behind our honey eyes.
Every time I stop to remember you, my heart dies.

It's not possible for you not to care.
True love confused by the foolishness of youth.
An unfinished jigsaw puzzle with no time to spare.
Get over your fears and tell me the truth.

But, I refuse to beg you.
I will not be your little lap dog,
waiting patiently for you to come back home.

I'm running away.
Goodbye.



(Originally posted on January 13, 2008, @ darkalchemystudios.deviantart.com)

© Caitlin Blair Cogar

Again and Again and Again

Again and Again and Again

It's Sunday again,
gloomy Sunday again.
Christmas is going to suck again.
It's really not snowing again...

I've been disappointed again.

I'm sleepy again,
I'm weepy again.
I feel defeated again.

I'm wishing again,I
'm hoping again,
But no one's ever listening again.

He wouldn't answer the phone again.
So why even try again?
She's with another boy again.
Who's going to leave her next week again.

I feel alone again.

My makeup is half-done again.
I woke up early for nothing again.
I looked forward to you for nothing again.

And for this, I hope you'll hurt again.

Tonight I'll try to sleep again.
But, I'll have those nightmares again.
I'll awake to sharp pains caused by you again.
Over and over and over again.

Everyone's being stupid again.
Everyone's revelling in fantasies again.
But, here I am in reality again.
Again and again and again.



(Originally posted on December 26, 2007, @ darkalchemystudios.deviantart.com)

© Caitlin Blair Cogar

Blowing Away

Blowing Away

In love with a silhouette, bathed in darkness,
which disappears from the doorway like an apparition,
never to return.
My heart leaves with you.

Even your shadow makes me crumble...

Crumbling...
I'm the meaningless crumb beneath your feet,
you're the agonizing thorn in my chest.
Someone explain how this is fair!
An evil I can't digest.

You've joined the army of jokers,
chuckling at my every expense
and mocking my existence...
But I tell you, I am much bigger than this.

Where did you learn to be so hard?
Frozen like Jack Frost, you reign over me like a tyrant.
With rock-solid features, you hide your emotions well
behind deliberate jet-black strands...
But I can read your insides.

You've cut me out of your life like a paper doll,
an innocent thing you can manipulate.
It's easier to rip paper than ice,
and you've taken advantage.

What will it take to melt you?

Tear out my heart, like a page from a book,
it couldn't do much more damage.
Look me in the eye, but don't say a word,
you couldn't do much more damage.

You aim to intimidate me,
and you've succeeded beyond your goal.
Mr. Big Shot, Mr. Too Cool,
never able to admit that I
instill the same fear in you.

You're a walking contradiction.

Always survival of the fittest.
Too terrified to open up and show your soul,
you're not as fit as you make yourself seem.
I'll show you mine, if you show me yours.

Such a shame...
you're too blind to see that,
more than anyone,
I "get" you.

You reveal your whole story to the
skeletons in your closet.
Piles of bones--no essence, no depth...
What makes them so special?

You build yourself up, as you knock me down.
You make me wish the sky would fall on my head.
Further and further in you I drown,
and at this point, I'd much rather be dead.

Time is running out.

I thought I spotted a glimpse of
the ocean deep in your eyes...
A painful, pale shade of blue.
But now I know
that you're just as shallow
as a wading pool.

Hold your breath and count to ten,
maybe I'll go away.
Close your eyes and count to ten,
maybe we'll all just go away.
Turn your back and count to ten,
maybe it'll all just blow away.


(Originally posted on December 4, 2007, @ darkalchemystudios.deviantart.com)

© Caitlin Blair Cogar

As Silent As Dracula

As Silent As Dracula

You could make every night feel like Halloween.
Your footsteps as silent as Dracula,
you try to escape in the darkness...
but I can feel you there.

You walk around like a symphony without words...
Your eyes are a sweet melody,
just like that song we once heard.

That song I've memorized,
that prides itself as a broken record,
skipping with every beat of my heart.
That song I can play with my eyes closed,
closed as to shut away the tears.
That song with the made-up title, one syllable,
which now remains as my only question for you......"why?"

You could be my Edward, my Jack,
filling my days with romantic nonsense,
but your heart is as black as your lungs,
and you pretend that my voice is just another one of your
chronic noise disturbances.

Fill the room with smoke so I can't see you
staring back at me.

You play the keys to my heart
,but you play them like a child...
banging on that great instrument with such might,
as if to break it into tiny pieces,
never to be fixed again.

Hanging and lurking around every corner,
you shock and awe my heart.
Dodging me pleases your wicked spirit.
I didn't know someone else's pain
could give you such comfort.

I used to love the color black,
until you gave it a bad name.
You wore it out, just like my soul,
everytime you shun me.

Your presence has enough power
to shake my world.
Walking tall above me, you pretend to be someone else...
But at the end of the day,
you're just as short and stubby as
yesterday's dried up cigarette.



(Originally posted on November 24, 2007, @ darkalchemystudios.deviantart.com)


© Caitlin Blair Cogar

If I Could Tell You

"If I Could Tell You" [A Love Letter]

When I look at you, I see beauty. A pulchritude more deep and genuine than anyone I've ever encountered. Your presence is stronger than any gravitational force or natural disaster, and when I'm near you, I'm almost in pain because I care for you too much. Your aura and every essence of you is fascinating, and I rack my brain trying to analyze what you might be thinking at certain, if not all, moments in time. The way you walk, the way you move, captivates me completely. You act with a specific introverted grace that I absolutely adore, and when I'm in the same room with you, I can't help but study it.

Your eyes are a wonderland all their own. Sometimes it's hard for me to look at you, knowing that I have to glance into their deep blue hue...and once I do, your eyes become so heavenly, that I cannot look away. I cannot bear to look away. I miss those eyes every second that I can't see them, or feel them looking back at me. Your voice is stunning to me whenever I hear it, even from the farthest distance. It's vibrations flow through me like electric currents...it's so warm. I never knew a voice could be warm, until I heard yours. And if you think I'm head over heels when I listen to you speak, that's nothing compared to the way my heart instantly disintegrates when I hear you laugh. When you laugh, I want to cry, because I know you'll never laugh that way with me.

You're beyond intelligent and driven, qualities that I very much admire. Even if it was playfully cruel, I'd give anything for you to throw your wit at me just once. It blows me away. Deep beneath the hard surface you expose to the world, I know there is an ever-glowing, loving side of you, waiting to guide someone with its light. How I long for that someone to be me. Will you ever give me a chance to unlock what's in your heart?

I dream of you on most days, if not most hours...but can you blame me? There is no one like you. No existing soul can make me feel the way I feel when I'm around you. How am I supposed to let you slip away without ever letting you know how I feel? I'll never find another you. I don't want to search for another you...just a copy, a cheap imitation of a dream. I want the real deal, and it's killing me that I can't have you. I'm growing more dead inside every time I realize that I'll never be with you. I wish you could be me for just one day. One day, so you can understand the kind of lethal, euphoric power you hold over my heart. Your spell isn't an easy one to break.

I love you. Have mercy.



(Originally posted on August 1, 2007, @ darkalchemystudios.deviantart.com)


© Caitlin Blair Cogar

Autobiography

Autobiography

There she sat alone in silence, with only the small flicker of light from the candle next to her to keep her company. It's been burning for hours and the wick is almost gone...much like her sanity. She aimlessly stared at the flame. Nothing around her seemed to give her pleasure anymore. The piano longs to be touched. The dogs lie dormant and lonely. Bookshelves are dusty. She hasn't left the house in weeks. For months, she's been like this. Unstirring. His words drifted through her wavering mind over and over again. His last words to her have been everlasting in her world. Words so clear at a moment so tragic, that she can still recall the exact date and time. She'll never forget what he's long forgotten.

She tries not to dwell on it, but when she does, she will dwell and dwell until she has no ounce of energy left to keep her eyes open. Heaven forbid ever going to sleep, because she will dream about it, too. Her happiest dream that her heart refuses to unclutch turns into her worst nightmare when she awakes. It's a vicious cycle she cannot break and her reality isn't pretty. What will save her? Is there a cure? This neverending empty void within her grows bigger and stronger everyday and it's not something she can shake off. The void sucks out all the good in her. It devours her. Such a waste. She was thrown out like trash, and now, that's exactly how she's treating her life. Throwing away her mind, heart, and soul like the filthiest fragments of debris. Pity. The candle, barely able to keep itself alive, sits near the very edge of the desk. Gazing at it, she fights the urge to tip it over. Burning alive really isn't the most pleasant way to leave the world. She wonders what it's like to die. "It couldn't be any worse than this", she thinks. Suddenly, the candle burns out, spoiling her plans and extinguishing her thoughts. She's engulfed by traces of smoke and total darkness. The dark doesn't bother her much. She's been immune to all fear since that day. That day. That. Day.

She sighs. The pitch black room matches her mood. Bereft of light. Bereft of sight. It's nightfall, and as it grows colder, so do the tears rushing down her face. Everyday is the same. Everyday is exactly the same. They say time heals all wounds. But they never mention how much time. Days pass. Months pass. Years pass...and nothing. No consolation. Maybe she's exaggerating. Maybe she's doing it to herself. Maybe she's insane. Or maybe...maybe she's the only one who's not blind to the way things have become. They all ignore it. They act like nothing's happened. How could anyone forget something so truly cruel? Her heart so pure and untarnished and his so hard and irrevocable. I guess life really isn't fair.

The only sound is the ticking of the wall clock behind her. She doesn't know what time it is, and doesn't care. But she can hear the ticking. She can hear it so loud, it's pulsing and pounding in her head. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. Ten more seconds of agony gone by. One. Two. Three. Four...how long will this go on? How many more sets of seconds, of mintues, of hours, days, weeks, months, and years will have to pass before she is whole again?

"For all of us, our time is limited. We're born, we live, we die. Our time begins and our time ends. But, time within itself is immortal. So, if time heals all wounds and time is immortal, I guess our wounds are never healed." Thinking this makes her heart sink. The doom she's tried to kill inside herself has been resurrected. Yes. Time is immortal. "Forever. I'll feel like this forever."

Truth hurts.



(Originally posted on July 31, 2007, @ darkalchemystudios.deviantart.com)


© Caitlin Blair Cogar