Unwelcome Devotion

Unwelcome Devotion

Seeing you...
leaning against the wall, waiting...
What were you waiting for?
Excitement itching beneath my skin
,sadness aching in my bones,
wondering whether or not I should walk through that door.

You have me questioning myself over and over.

We've crossed paths one too many times,
most being unintentional.
Are you thinking it's just an unlucky coincidence,
while I'm thinking it's a lovely stroke of fate?

I decide to come in, breathless,
my face hot from shame.
But I just can't help myself,
your blue eyes are to blame.

You greeted me, and that's all.
That's all I needed.
That's all I needed to make me sick,
stomach churning,
learning that you're the only one,
that will ever make me feel this way.

Black-clad, pale and hiding,
you know how I feel.
You wish I would go away,
but why...why should I run?

I've been as strong as steel,
I'VE been the one waiting,
waiting to age, waiting to mature,
and to see you so nonchalant,
leaning, waiting for me to come in,
like so many times before,
teasing me,
makes me want to die.

I knew the rules before, but I'm older now.
Does it matter? Does it even make a difference?

You can never imagine the pain,
the torment I've carried with me inside.
A feeling resembling a love so deep,
a heavy weight of guilt I could never confide.

How can I love someone who loathes me,
who's hoping I will disappear?
You intimidate me so, to the point where I shrink,
but at the end of the day, it's me that you fear.

Briefly peeking from behind blue-rims,
you avoid my gaze like a child in trouble.
I silently adored you even with dirt under your nails,
plain-faced and working,
something I should have never even noticed.

What am I to do, with a man like you?
You're stubborn to all emotion.
But your dark heart can never keep me away,
such an unwelcome devotion.


(Originally posted on June 23, 2008, @ darkalchemystudios.deviantart.com)

© Caitlin Blair Cogar